I came willingly, curious, confident when I first followed Him off the docks
I came willingly, crashing, crushed when watching Him carry the cross
I watched as throngs of people gathered to see my friend my rabbi
I watched as rulers and leaders pronounced guilt when innocent
I remembered the sadness when he prayed in the garden
I remember the soldier who grabbed Jesus and the kiss
I noticed the darkness and torches and hopelessness
I noticed the change so abruptly over the last days
I listened as the soldiers and onlookers mocked
I listened as the crowds shouted “Barabbas”
I stared at His flesh peeled by the whips
I stared at the drops of blood falling
I felt each blow of the hammer
I felt each word He spoke
“Why, God? Why this?”
“Why so forsaken?”
And He breaths
His last gasp
“Finished”
For me
But…
Why?
Did He
Love me
In the way
He did when
I did deny Him
I knew He knew
He stared through
Me as I saw his eyes
Pain and sadness as I
Was part of the problem
But, even so I stared at His
Eyes as He hung there and I
Saw in the middle of the pain a
Love and I am undone because I
Feel I don’t deserve it yet somehow
Willing to receive, confident to receive
But He died and I hid and I keep hiding
Until the women came back at sunrise on
The morning of the third day with what was
Surely nonsense frantic and saying that Jesus
Body was not there and that an angel said what
Sounded remarkable, wonderful, but unbelievable
That He is alive and I needed to see for myself so I
Ran and ran fast and looked in for myself and stared
Inside and saw the cloth we buried him in undisturbed
And the cloth on his face folded in the corner as if there
Was no need for it anymore and I was mixed with wonder
And fear and confusion and hope and incredulity and others
Needed to know and I told them and not having any idea what
To do I hid and we all hid and waited and prayed and talked and
Tried to reason and right in the middle of that intense conversation
He appeared! And He spoke! And He encouraged! And he was alive
And it began to all make sense that Jesus was more than our rabbi or
Prophet that He was God in the flesh and you can’t kill God and all the
Predictions came true and I don’t know what this means right at this very
Moment but hope rises! And whatever else it means I know it means He is
Alive at this very moment and gave me a second chance for me to tell Him I
Loved Him and He gave me a second chance to feed the sheep He so dearly
Loves and my life has changed and it is all because of this second chance and
All because He is alive right now with me and for me and through me and… and…